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“( When you become a confident man focused on himself and who is living his life and pursuing his goals independently of what the people in the grandstands think, you will have no interest in social climbing.

And when you will become a compassionate man, you will not want to push people down but you will want to help the people around get better and move up.

That’s the man you have to want to become)”

I cannot ignore a such topic like this

I define social climbing as:

The act of raising one’s own social status by either inflating one’s own virtues and qualities or, more often, by depressing other people’s social statuses and looking better as a consequence

Social Climbing Examples

There are different ways of engaging in social climbing.

Here are some of the most typical ones, with examples:

#1. Direct Attack Social Climb

The direct demeaning way includes statements such as:

That guy is an idiot
She’s such bi*ch
He’s so incompetent

They sound more like simple slanderous comment, but the hidden message is alwys “I am better”.

#2. Denying Skills Social Climb

He can’t manage to do it
She doesn’t know any better
If she only knew that..

They are all saying “I could do it (better)”, “I know better”.

#3. Cool A*shole Social Climb

This is how “Social Climbing In Absentia” usually develops.

And it’s often through telling a favorable story.

The story can then either show the social climber getting mad recognition he doesn’t even care about or, worse, it will show the social climber belittling others and getting away with it.

The social climber is trying to position himself as the “cool asshole”.

Below is an example of using a story to belittle someone else:

Social Climbing: The Exceptions

There are a few situations in which social climbing is OK, or even helpful to your interaction.

They include:

Locker room bantering

The last one, the “no harm bragging” is cute and could even make you endearing to some people and in some situations.

It’s ok with friends and for “locker room talks”.
As long as you don’t overdo it, when you really feel proud and happy about something, you shouldn’t refrain from expressing it.

Being yourself is also part of building solid relationships and people close to you will appreciate you for being genuine (read: Daring Greatly).

In seduction to build an “us VS them” bond

There’s also another exception when demeaning others is OK, and it’s during the early stages of a romance.

In those cases, it’s OK because it’s more flirting than demeaning and you are going for two possible frames there:

How lucky she is to be with this great guy that you are.
Look how great we are in this world of boring people (us VS the world)

All the other situations, social climbing must be eradicated.

How to Deal With a Social Cliber

Now on the other side of the equation: how do you deal with a social climber?

Here are a few great tips:

1. Ignore Them

If they do it not in front of you like in this case, ignore them.

When they engage in social climbing the really socially smart people see that.
Basically, social climbers are taking away their own value: let them do that.

When you recognize their behavior and address it you also dignify their action with your attention. You bring them to your own level.
Why bother.

2. Stop Them In Their Track

When people are using you for their social climbing effort, they are actively undermining you, and you should intervene.

Whatever they say against you, look at them like they said the most stupid thing in the world.

For example:

Social Climber: (looking at someone else in the group, but referring to you) He doesn’t know any better
You: Mate… Why are you saying that. The way you speak you make me sound like I am an idiot and I am not cool with that.
Why are you doing that?
Social Climber: ? What do you mean, I just meant…
You: No man, you said I don’t know any better. I don’t know why you feel like you need to treat people that way. Maybe it’s some inferiority complex or something, but whatever it is, if you cannot talk to me politely, please don’t talk to me at all.

The last one is my favorite:

3. Explain Their Game

This is a technique we already spoke about in the Alpha Male Handshake.

It consists of you eloquently and openly explaining to everyone what they are up to.

Basically, you summarizes this article explaining what they’re doing it (pushing people down), why they’re doing it (to gain social status) and why it’s nasty (high quality people pull people up, not down).

If you execute it well, you will shame the social climber while at the same time shooting your own value through the roof.

4. Confront Them

While most guides, books and websites recommend you confont them, I don’t actually like this option.

How to Stop Being A Social Climber

This section will talk about how to eliminate all social climbing tendencies within yourself.

Yes, don’t worry, we all have social climbing tendencies.
And before we address them within others, we must remove it from our system.

John Maxwell says you should sign your work at the end of each day.

Similarly, a good rule for yourself would be: only say what you would say personally to people’s face.
And only comment if you were willing to write that comment down with your own signature on it.

Even better, eventually, you want to become a genuine person who feels no need to push people down as much as you have no need to self-aggrandize yourself.

When you become a confident man focused on himself and who is living his life and pursuing his goals independently of what the people in the grandstands think, you will have no interest in social climbing.