Human-Rights (Third Year)

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You’re talking with someone at a conference when it happens: You realize the conversation’s over. You’re both still contributing to the dialogue, but you’re just filling time with mindless banter.

At this point, you have a couple of choices. You could stay and allow the other person to monopolize your time, but that would be self-defeating, because you won’t be able to network with anyone else. You’re there to expand your connections so you can get bigger-network benefits like having access to thought leaders and referral sources. You could also wrap up the conversation quickly. That’s easier said than done, though: After all, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or sound foolish in the process.

Take heart. This is one of those awkward moments that every professional runs into, including the extroverts who seem to be able to talk with anyone. The more you’re around people, the more likely you’re going to have to initiate a conversation exit. Don’t think that a Zoom encounter saves you, either. It can be just as tough to know when to hit the “Leave Meeting” button. 

The good news is that you don’t have to be a masterful networker to learn the art of closing a discussion. Anyone can learn and apply the following techniques. Feel free to apply any or all to the dialogues that deserve a respectable ending and not an uncomfortable one.

Have a few go-to ending phrases

Savvy chess players memorize a litany of preferred moves that they use under different circumstances. These moves become part of their overall toolkits and allow them to navigate matches. You should have a similar lineup of conversation enders that are tactful and reliable.

For instance, let’s say you’re at a networking event, and you’ve fallen into a “talk trap.” One way to extricate yourself gracefully could be to say, “It’s been nice to meet you. I promised my family/client/coworker that I’d check in, though, so I need to step away.” It’s tactful, it’s simple to remember … and it’s hard for the other person to refute.

Just make sure you don’t use your end phrases with the same people over and over again. Can’t figure out an ending phrase? Eavesdrop on others’ conversations. You’ll hear wonderful conversation-enders that you can add to your lineup. Just remember that you want every ending to leave a positive, lasting impression. 

Introduce your conversation partner to someone else

This tried-and-true method for ending any discussion works wonders, especially at conferences. If you see someone else you know, wave them over. Then, introduce them to the person you’ve been talking with. Although you have to stick around a bit, you can smoothly leave the new conversation after a few minutes. 

To take this tip to the masters level, make the introduction as personalized as possible. “Jake, I want you to meet Molly. She’s an avid skier, just like you and your fiancé. I’m sure you two could swap wonderful places to hit the slopes.” 

A secondary advantage to this type of closer is that it gives you something to talk with either party about later. You never know: Molly or Jake may one day thank you for introducing them because they discovered they could refer customers.

Ask for the other person’s contact information

“I’ve enjoyed our discussion, but I have to go. Could I grab your email so we can stay in touch?”

It’s a terrific way to conclude a conversation, particularly if your back-and-forth has hit a stall. Just pull out your cell phone and you can write down everything before leaving.

This “closer” allows you to close on a highly active note. It also gives you the opportunity to exchange information. Even if you’re not sure you’re going to get in touch with the other person again, you’ve done your due diligence. Additionally, you’ve helped yourself avoid a long, drawn-out goodbye.

To be sure, your conversation partner might hesitate to fork over key information. In that case, pipe up with something along the lines of, “Not a problem. We’ll exchange emails another time. It was great talking.” Just go with the flow, because not everyone wants to give out contact info, even if they’re at a social event.

End with complete, unexpected transparency

When all else fails, being genuine always prevails. That is, you can be perfectly honest when closing some conversations. “I’m not great at ending discussions, especially when I’m enjoying them. But I want to make sure I say hello to a couple of other people tonight. So let’s plan to circle back later.”

Not all conversation partners will get the hint initially, even though you’re not really hinting. You might have to repeat yourself to get the point across. However, being open keeps you in the driver’s seat and also allows you to showcase a bit of humility, personality, and charm.

One caveat: If you try this strategy, be sure to smile. Putting forth a serious face can make it seem like you’re anxious or annoyed. Ultimately, you want people to know that you’re a pleasant, upfront person. You just can’t stick around for more chit-chat, that’s all.

Related: “Why Mastering the Art of Conversation Will Make You More Money”

You can’t avoid conversations. They make the world go ‘round, and they afford you the opportunity to build out your network, potentially boost your paycheck, and raise your social cred. However, you aren’t doomed to get locked into boring, long dialogues every time you step out. Keep your conversation closers in your back pocket and use them accordingly. You’ll leave every event feeling more confident.

Translated 

U.S. Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman Senator Robert Menendez on Thursday unveiled a bill to declassify intelligence documents about the 9/11 attacks, including any role for Saudi Arabia, Saudis or any country.

For 20 years, the families of the victims of the 9/11 attacks have sought justice and held accountable those responsible for the attacks, but year after year, the federal government has refused to declassify documents that could shed light on any role for Saudi Arabia, Saudis or any country in the attacks,” Menendez said at a press conference with relatives of the victims of the attacks.

In a few weeks, Americans will stop to reflect on the 20th anniversary of the September 11 attacks, he said, “they will remember the nearly 3,000 Americans who lost their lives in the worst terrorist attack.” Noting that during 2020, former Attorney General William Barr used the “State Secrets” privilege to block access to some of these documents.

He said he has never provided any explanation, but given the Donald Trump administration’s relationship with Saudi Arabia, “I wonder exactly who they’re trying to protect using the state secrets privilege.”

“These families want answers and want justice and accountability, but without transparency they will be denied, so today I present the 9/11 Transparency Bill with members of both parties in the Senate, as representative Hakim Jeffries will present in the House of Representatives.”

“The bill will require the head of national intelligence, the secretary of justice and the head of the Central Intelligence Agency to conduct a recent review of all documents related to the 9/11 attacks, and properly declassify them, and if the secret agencies do not remove the documents, they will be required to provide a justification to Congress, and then Congress will act accordingly,” he said.

“I don’t deny that sometimes the federal government has legitimate reasons to refuse to disclose certain documents, for example when disclosure at a very early stage may threaten intelligence efforts on the ground, but we have to be realistic here, we’re talking about declassifying documents linked to an attack 20 years ago, not an attack, but an attack that claimed the lives of nearly 3,000 U.S. citizens,” Menendez said.

“If the U.S. government withholds any documents that may implicate Saudi Arabia, any individual or any country in the 9/11 attacks, the families of the victims and the American people have the right to know. “If the information is strong, we must give the families of the victims access to this information, and anything that helps them in their search for truth, justice and accountability.”

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all our best wishes for you and others to be home safe and have peace

I want to thank you so much here

while I am exploring a few things recently and see what i can discover ,I found that some have shared ,they are very nice and very kind , without look to age ,just shared nice and professional (prospective) that help to grow

Thank you so much and I am so grateful

God bless you ,bless your family ,bless your friends ,give all happiness and joy in life

Getting Socialble

Thank God for the blessing of being Here and having a chance to be with very nice and good people

It is awesome to get to know people and find people to go out with

to Get it ,you got to ask ,you gotta to find the chance for asking .

This is the plan in simple words

Thank you

Update on June 12

What do you think have happened after that ?

I am going to be busy in rebuild something I have started and I will strength it (With full respect to everyone )

SO We will see

 A sense of mutual respect? Feeling a strong sense of connection? Truly trusting another human being?

Being in a healthy relationship is all of the above—and so much more. A healthy relationship is a connection based on trust and respect for one another. What’s more, evidence points to the fact that positive relationships are those that support our health, empowering us to thrive and possibly live longer with fewer negative emotional and physical challenges.

Of note, there are hundreds of studies that prove that healthy relationships increase our physical health. According to the National Institutes of Health, social support is linked to lower blood pressure, better heart rate measures and fewer stress hormones. True, genetics play a role in health and even longevity. But research shows that other factors matter, including experiences and relationships. When people feel supported by their family or peers, they tend to be happier, or more fulfilled. Science shows that greater happiness, in turn, can help support our immune systems, mental wellbeing and many other aspects of our health.

There’s a lot that goes into building healthy relationships and keeping them stable and strong. In fact, this is something we talk a lot about with patients when they’re visiting One Community Health’s Behavioral Health Department.

1. Respect. While the word “respect” can be subject to interpretation and mean different things to different people and/or cultures, generally speaking, respect is an awareness of who someone is while also having an appreciation for that person and what makes that individual unique. In healthy relationships, you both have an understanding of what respect is, and you both can also relate within the context of that understanding. What’s more, in healthy relationships, you can respectfully ask the other person what he or she needs or wants from you, as well as what that individual likes about you without fear of building walls or other lines of defense. In these partnerships or friendships, it’s easy to find out what they respect about you and how they want to be treated by you. Importantly, the more you respect someone, the more likely you are to trust that person.

2. Open Communication. Transparency, or being able to safely speak your truth, is necessary in cultivating and sustaining positive relationships. It allows you and another person to have a deeper understanding of each other. It also helps build mutual respect and supports more effective conflict-resolution. When you have open communication with someone, you are able to share thoughts and feelings freely. You can listen without interrupting or criticizing the other person, as well as be heard without fear of being criticized.

3. Boundaries. Another key factor in healthy relationships is setting and maintaining boundaries. Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. Setting boundaries teaches our partner how to treat us. Safe, healthy boundaries let others know what feels comfortable and what doesn’t. For example, time can be a big source of stress for many couples. Being clear with your partner on how much time you would like to spend together and how much time you would like to spend on your own hobbies, interests and self-care can eliminate confusion, disappointment and resentment. Setting boundaries builds trust, respect and safety

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(I believe building a trust is one of basics that we learn while we grow inside the family and then in school and (then the door is open)

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1. Be true to your word and follow through with your actions

The point of building trust is for others to believe what you say. Keep in mind, however, that building trust requires not only keeping the promises you make but also not making promises you’re unable to keep.

Keeping your word shows others what you expect from them, and in turn, they’ll be more likely to treat you with respect, developing further trust in the process.

2. Learn how to communicate effectively with others

Poor communication is a major reason why relationships break down. Good communication includes being clear about what you have or have not committed to and what has been agreed upon.

Building trust is not without risk. It involves allowing both you and others taking risks to prove trustworthiness. To navigate this, effective communication is key. Without it, you may find the messages you’ve intended to send aren’t the messages that are received.

3. Remind yourself that it takes time to build and earn trust

Building trust is a daily commitment. Don’t make the mistake of expecting too much too soon. In order to build trust, first take small steps and take on small commitments and then, as trust grows, you will be more at ease with making and accepting bigger commitments. Put trust in, and you will generally get trust in return.

4. Take time to make decisions and think before acting too quickly

Only make commitments that you are happy to agree to. Have the courage to say “no,” even when it disappoints someone. If you agree to something and can’t follow through, everyone involved is worse off.

Be clear about what you have on your plate, and keep track of your commitments. Being organized is a necessary part of building trust with family, friends, and colleagues. It enables you to make a clear decision as to whether to agree to requests of your time and energy.

5. Value the relationships that you have—and don’t take them for granted

Trust often results from consistency. We tend to have the most trust in people who are there for us consistently through good times and bad. Regularly showing someone that you’re there for them is an effective way to build trust.

6. Develop your team skills and participate openly

When you take an active role in a team and make contributions, people are more likely to respect and trust you. It’s also imperative when building trust in a team to show your willingness to trust others.

Being open and willing to make contributions and to engage demonstrates this. In other words, take what others say into consideration, show that you are listening actively, suggest your thoughts and feedback in a respectful way, and demonstrate that you are willing to be part of the team.

7. Always be honest

The message you convey should always, always be the truth. If you are caught telling a lie, no matter how small, your trustworthiness will be diminished.

8. Help people whenever you can

Helping another person, even if it provides no benefit to you, builds trust. Authentic kindness helps to build trust.

9. Don’t hide your feelings

Being open about your emotions is often an effective way to build trust. Furthermore, if people know that you care, they are more likely to trust you.

Emotional intelligence plays a role in building trust. Acknowledging your feelings, learning the lessons that prevail, and taking productive action means that you won’t deny reality—this is the key to building trust.

10. Don’t always self-promote

Acknowledgment and appreciation play an important role in building trust and maintaining good relationships. Recognizing and appreciating the efforts of others shows your talent for leadership and teamwork and increases the trust others have in you.

On the other hand, if people don’t demonstrate appreciation for a good deed, they appear selfish. Selfishness destroys trust.

11. Always do what you believe to be right

Doing something purely for approval means sacrificing your own values and beliefs. This decreases trust in yourself, your values, and your beliefs. Always doing what you believe is right, even when others disagree, will lead others to respect your honesty.

Interestingly, when building trust, you must be willing to upset others on occasion. People tend not to trust those who simply say whatever they think others want to hear.

12. Admit your mistakes

When you attempt to hide your mistakes, people know that you are being dishonest. By being open, you show your vulnerable side, and this helps build trust with other people.

This is because they perceive you to be more like them—everyone makes mistakes. If you pretend that you never make mistakes, you’ll make it difficult for others to trust you because you have created an unnecessary difference between the two of you. When all that a person sees is the “perfection” you project, they likely won’t trust you.

How to Build Trust With Your Partner in a Marriage or Relationship

Andrea Bonior, a licensed clinical psychologist, professor, and author, shares the following advice for building trust with a partner in a marriage or relationship. Bonior suggests that trust is necessary for emotional intimacy and that it’s necessary for a healthy, close relationship (2018). It’s much easier and faster to lose trust than it is to build it up.

To develop trust with your partner,  Bonior suggests you “say what you mean and mean what you say” (2018).

As young children, we quickly learn to tell if someone is being untruthful. It may be that someone doesn’t follow through with their promises, or a parent makes threats they don’t follow through on. This form of self-protection evolved to help us survive, so nearly all of us are able to notice the “proverbial boy crying wolf” (Bonior, 2018).

As we grow older, we finetune our expectations and behavior by learning not to trust an untruthful person, which helps protect ourselves from being let down again. So, when trying to develop trust in a relationship, don’t say things that you won’t follow through with.

It’s also important not to say things that don’t accurately reflect how you feel. Consistently telling lies, even if they feel small or inconsequential, will result in the other person no longer trusting what you say (Bonior, 2018).

Another aspect of building trust is to become increasingly vulnerable in the relationship as it develops. People feel trust when they rely on one another. In the relationships we have, we build trust through vulnerability (Bonior, 2018). Part of this will happen automatically over time through our daily interactions—such as feeling assured that our partner will be there if they have offered to pick us up from work (Bonior, 2018).

It is also important to be emotionally vulnerable (Bonior, 2018). Building trust requires you to open yourself up to the potential risk of being hurt. This could be revealing things that scare you or exposing aspects of yourself that you don’t consider attractive (Bonior, 2018). In other words, trust is developed when our partners have the chance to let us down or hurt us, but they don’t.

Respect plays an important role in trust. One of the most emotionally enduring ways we can be harmed by our partners is if they belittle us or look at us with condescension or contempt, because a lack of respect destroys trust (Bonior, 2018).

Any relationship, even that between a sales assistant and customer, involves a basic level of trust, and thus respect (Bonior, 2018). But maintaining that basic level of respect becomes even more important the more emotionally intimate the relationship is (Bonior, 2018).

Unfortunately, we occasionally show our partners our worst qualities. We may be more prone to lash out at people we are close to than we would at a stranger. We lose sight of the fact that respect is even more significant to those we love due to the harm that lack of respect over time will cause (Bonior, 2018).

It’s not necessary to be perfectly polite all the time with your partner. However, remember that every time you treat your partner in a way that breaches a basic level of respect, you will damage the connection you have. Plus, it will make it more challenging for your partner to trust you over time (Bonior, 2018).

Additionally, to build trust with your partner, be prepared to give him or her the benefit of the doubt. For this idea, Bonior gives the example of a patient and his doctor, who he’s been seeing for ten years and who he trusts and respects (2018).

Bonior describes the difference between how the patient feels about the trusted doctor’s opinion and the opinion of a doctor whom the patient has never seen before. While the patient may be prepared to have confidence in the new doctor because of her medical qualifications, it is likely that he will feel a lot more comfortable with the doctor with whom he has developed trust.

It may even be easier for him to hear difficult or surprising medical news from his regular doctor because he will be prepared to give the doctor the benefit of the doubt because of the trust and history they share (Bonior, 2018).

One more way to build trust in a relationship is to express your feelings in a functional, helpful way (Bonior, 2018). An important component of emotional intimacy is being able to talk about one’s feelings without shouting, verbally attacking, or shutting down the conversation (Bonior, 2018).

Therefore, in order to build trust, develop ways of discussing difficult feelings that are collaborative and respectful. To build trust, you need to give him or her the chance to connect with the “real” you—which includes your emotional complexity (Bonior, 2018).

Finally, to build trust with your partner in a marriage or relationship, it is important to consider reciprocity (Bonior, 2018). In other words, be willing to give as well as receive. It is necessary for both partners to feel comfortable with the levels of giving and receiving.

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How to Develop Self-Trust

The fact of the matter is that you can never count on another person 100% of the time. However, there is one person we know that we can count on: ourselves. As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said,

Self-trust is an important concept, as possessing it enables you to protect your own needs and safety (Tartakovsky, 2018). It allows you to have faith that you will make it through challenging situations and allows you to practice kindness toward yourself rather than pursuing perfection.

Self-trust includes having an awareness of your thoughts and feelings and being able to express them (Tartakovsky, 2018). To gain self-trust, honor your emotions and avoid relying on the opinions of others (Fahkry, 2016). This allows you to develop trust in your own ability to handle whatever arises. Self-trust is acquired by nurturing our deepest thoughts (Fahkry, 2016).

Self-trust also includes living according to your own standards and ethics and knowing when to put your own needs firsts. Having self-trust requires knowing that you can endure mistakes. Self-trust also enables you to pursue what it is that you want.

Avoid people who undermine your self-trust. Often, these people use you, and don’t want you to succeed (Tartakovsky, 2018). Although as children we often cannot control the negative people we have in our lives, as adults, we can certainly consider whether people support us and whether we actually want them in our lives (Tartakovsky, 2018).

Keep promises to yourself. Honor the commitments you make yourself, whether it be pursuing goals you set or following your dreams (Fahkry, 2016). An important part of this is making promises to yourself and keeping them (Tartakovsky, 2018).

One example of such a commitment is creating and sustaining a personal boundary. Or, go to bed earlier, or visit the doctor for a check-up (Tartakovsky, 2018). Building self-trust also includes becoming your own best friend.

Speak kindly to yourself. Everyone has a harsh inner critic, which sometimes takes the voice of a parent or a teacher from your past who made you think you weren’t good enough. However, you can reduce or eliminate the habit of listening to your inner critic. Try being more kind to yourself.

For example, if you make a mistake, you may immediately think, “I’m so stupid!” Instead, try saying to yourself, “That’s okay. It was just a minor error.” Showing yourself compassion when you make a mistake enables you to show a greater understanding of others when they make mistakes (Tartakovsky, 2018).

Self-trust is not about perfection—you must have faith in your own capacity to overcome a slip-up or failure. Self-trust is nurtured through us connecting with our emotional well-being and paying attention to any disturbances we may notice (Fahkry, 2016).

Check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “How am I doing?” Find out what is going on inside yourself rather than simply dismissing an emotional disturbance (Fahkry, 2016).

In other words, be mindful of your inner experiences (Fahkry, 2016). Self-trust develops when we honor our whole selves, regardless of whether or not we approve of certain aspects of ourselves

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Qautes

10 Quotes on Building Trust

There are even more quotes on trust and trust issues that are available from Quote Ambition (n.d.). Here are a few:

Trust but verify.

Ronald Reagan

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.

George MacDonald

Trust starts with truth and ends with truth.

Santosh Kalwar

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.

Ernest Hemingway

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.

Albert Einstein

Trust has to be earned, and should come only after the passage of time.

Arthur Ashe

Only trust someone who can see these three things in you: the sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence.

Over and over again in my clinical practice and in my advice column, I often hear from people wanting to build — or rebuild — trustin a significant relationship, whether it’s a sexual relationship or a relationship with a friend or family member. Trust is one of the most crucial building blocks of becoming emotionally intimate with someone; it’s absolutely fundamental for a healthy, close relationship. And yet it is far easier, and takes a lot less time, to lose trust than to build it back up. The rebuilding of trust takes time, patience, and work, just as it does to establish it in the first place. But it can be done if both people are motivated. Are you willing to put in the effort for the significant potential payoff? If so, here are some steps to take.

1. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Even as young children, we pick up very quickly on the clues that someone is saying things that aren’t really true. The parent who always threatens to make us leave the restaurant, but we know will never actually follow through; the sister who always promises to share her cookie, but invariably eats the whole thing anyway — we start not to buy what they’re claiming anymore. Our instincts for self-protection, honed evolutionarily for survival over thousands of years, typically will take note of the proverbial boy crying wolf. And we will adjust our behavior and expectations accordingly — learning not to trust the person quite as much the next time, in order to not be let down. So if you are looking to increase trust within your relationship, it’s imperative that you stop saying things that you won’t follow through on, or that don’t represent your actual feelings. Even what seem like minor lies, when chronic, will tell the other person that they should no longer trust the things that come out of your mouth.

2. Be vulnerable — gradually.

Two distant coworkers who spend 20 years just chatting about the weather and not ever working closely together on projects never need to rely on each other for anything other than idle small talk or a returned “Good morning” when passing each other in the hallway. But what about two coworkers who have only worked together for six months, but are constantly in the trenches with each other, coming to need each other desperately for that 9 p.m. email to be returned, or to look over each other’s work, or stand up for each other against a difficult boss? They have developed a bond with each other that is much tighter than decades of small talk, and it’s because they have to be vulnerable with each other — relying on each other to come through or else facing real danger. In relationships that we choose in our personal lives, we also build trust through vulnerability. Some of this comes automatically with time and daily interactions, like knowing that if our partner said they’d pick us up at the airport, they’ll be there, or feeling safe that if we eat a dinner they’ve prepared, it won’t contain the allergen they know will send us into anaphylaxis. But emotional vulnerability is important as well. Building trust takes a willingness to open yourself up to the potential risk of hurt — talking about something embarrassing from your past, letting them in on what scares you in the here and now, showing parts of yourself that you don’t think are “attractive” enough for a first-date reveal. Trust is built when our partners have the opportunity to let us down or hurt us — but do not. And in order for them to pass the test and build that trust, we must make ourselves vulnerable to that letdown. Gradually is best, of course, to protect ourselves along the way.

3. Remember the role of respect.

One of the most emotionally lasting ways that our partners can damage us — and our trust — is by belittling us, making us feel less-than, or viewing us with condescension or contempt rather than respect. Think of a basic level of respect as the common denominator in any relationship, whether between a cashier and customer or a mother and son. And the more emotionally intimate your relationship, the more important that keeping up that basic level of respect becomes, not less.Unfortunately, when we are tightly intertwined with someone, we sometimes show them our worst — which can be positive in terms of being vulnerable to them, but it also may involve treating them badly. Ironically, we may lash out at our mother or child or partner in ways that we never would at a cashier — and we forget that respect is even more important with our loved ones because of the damage the lack of it can do over time. This does not mean that you must be formal or perfectly polite always with your partner. But it does mean that you must remember that every time you treat them in a way that demeans them or violates that basic minimum of dignity and respect, you harm your connection a bit — and make it more difficult for them to trust you over time.

4. Give the benefit of the doubt.

Let’s say you’ve had a doctor for 10 years that you really respect and have grown to trust. Now compare how you feel about that doctor’s opinion, versus the opinion of a doctor that you’ve never seen before. While you may be willing to rely on the medical credentials of both, chances are, you’ll feel far more comfortable with the one you’ve developed trust with. And in fact, that doctor may make some difficult or surprising medical news easier for you to swallow, because you are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt given your trust and history together. The same is true in personal relationships. What goes hand in hand with trust is setting aside your doubts — even if temporarily — and letting the person come through for you. Now in relationships where trust has been broken, and you are trying to rebuild, it may not be wise to set aside all doubt all at once, like in the case of infidelity or substance abuse. “Once bitten, twice shy” may apply in those cases, as you may still need a certain level of checking up on someone to protect yourself from further harm. But over time, if you ever hope to truly rebuild trust, you must be willing to string together some moments of letting the doubt go — or at least suspending it — and seeing if they come through for you. (If they don’t, of course, then it is them who is sabotaging the trust-building.)

5. Express your feelings functionally, especially when it’s tough.

Emotional intimacy comes in part from knowing that you can express your feelings to someone, and that they will still care about you, that they will not dismiss you out of hand — that they will be willing to listen. It means that you know they will make time to understand your viewpoint, not to shut it down. This entails the maturity of being able to talk about feelings without escalating into shouting, verbally attacking, or closing down the conversation. Of course, it is very easy to have a non-emotionally intimate relationship where everyone pretends that everything is fine, and neither person lets the other person in, because neither person truly trusts the other enough to handle their difficult or awkward feelings or thoughts. But if that’s what you wanted, you wouldn’t be reading this! Work on ways to talk about difficult feelings that feel collaborative, helpful, and respectful. Learn to discuss challenging emotions in ways that don’t automatically jump to feeling threatened or starting a conflict. Many of us have taken cues from our parents about how to talk — or not talk — about tough things, and sometimes those patterns can stunt us. But if you truly want to build trust with someone, you’ve got to give them the opportunity to make the connection to the real you, including who you are emotionally.

6. Take a risk together.

Being vulnerable with each other can also be a mutual endeavor, and it doesn’t just involve revealing parts of yourself. It can also involve a joint effort toward something rewarding — an adventurous experience on a vacation, a joint lifestyle change toward healthier habits, an attempt to expand your mutual social circle, or even just expanding your minds together with new ideas in the form of thought-provoking books or movies. This puts you both outside of your comfort zone with the possibility of reward in the form of increased trust — like two comrades who were in the trenches together. And if it’s a romantic relationship you’re looking to increase your connection within, there’s an added bonus: A bit of fear-induced arousal can actually increase your sexual attraction, as the now-classic 1973 study by Dutton and Aron showed.

7. Be willing to give as well as receive.

The friendship research bears out just how important reciprocity is to a solid relationship. And it’s not necessarily that each person is giving exactly as much as they are receiving, but rather that both partners are comfortable with the levels, and they feel relatively equal. Of course, in a truly close emotional partnership, it is expected and understood that this balance may shift once in a while — one person leans on the other when it is most needed, and there’s no bean-counting necessary. And that’s because there is trust, and you know that you won’t end up giving, giving, giving without the other person ever coming through for you in return. So, a significant component of building trust is to let this process happen. Virtually everyone understands that they’re not supposed to always take more than they give, but what happens when you don’t let your partner give? You deny them part of this balance. Take the big picture, and let both processes happen, being willing to both give and receive. Of course, if you’re willing to give just a little bit more, and your partner is as well, then you create a comfortable, caring cushion for you both and a safeguard against feeling chronically undervalued or unappreciated.

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